NOT friday

yes, I keep on thinking its Friday, even though it's on Thursday and not in jeans. Weird...

anyways...loookie looookie....




looks like I lost a 1.5 lb compared to last month!!! whooopppeeee!! guess i didn't do as bad but lets take this baby up a notch!!

i just realized that memorial day weekend isn't the 29th but the 22nd.... thats ok though... the goal is to be the elusive 169!!!

i can do this... 169 is nothing but a number but for some reason i really 'fear' it. does that make any sense? it's just the lowest weight i've ever been on here and its the weight where i plateaued at and it's the number i've been chasing for months!!! seriously, i've been bouncing around the mid-170s for 4 months!!!! no more!!!

summer is almost here!!! yeah!!!!

life as we know it

today is one of those days where i feel on top of the world...

my PT therapy started yesterday and I feel oh so hopeful. yet at the same time I have to finally relinquish the fact that i just cant weight lift right now. i think i can do two or three exercises but until my back is better. nada. zip. zilch. seriously...whats 4 weeks compared to a lifetime of having to deal with back pain. i can get through this.

i bought fabulous pants the other day at the Gap. I usually hate the Gap for pants, they just dont fit right but the Hip Hugger ones...oh my god...I'm stalking all the local Gaps to find another 2 pair, one in black and one in khaki...run ladies run!!!

i got my herrr did yesterday...i went to my moms friend, who turns out to be a stylist at a high end salon in Plymouth, but does work on da side.... hey... my way of cutting back and still looking fabulous! i tried taking pics but Nates in Canada, eh and mine just werent very flattering so maybe tomorrow ill have my first fashion post...gasp....

lets see,what else....oh....i've been religiously watching what i eat again since Monday. Nic mentioned that if she stayed on track for the next 5 weeks, which coincidentally happens to be Memorial Day weekend, she would be at goal weight. so I decided, hell if she can do it so can I! ideally i would LOVE to lose 10 lbs but seriously when have i ever, ever hit those numbers?! so if i can lose 5, i'd still be ecstatic!

so thats life in a nutshell right now....just trying to focus day-by-day and still have the greater picture in the back of my mind. i'm 51 days away from vacation and i must, i must (increase my bust!) be in the 160's for it. seriously just to hit 169 is a measly 7 lbs away!

over planning much...

so, today starts the manic-ness of the next 4 weeks...

my PT starts tomorrow at 7 am, mind you I was there today at 7 am because well, i thought it started today. what a bummer... i was so sleepy because nate kept me up all night tossing and turning, however today was a great day for me to see how everything would workout. 

Nate's off to Canada, eh again...he'll be there on and off for the next 4 weeks, getting ready for his shutdown...3 weeks... one of those weeks we'll be on vacation so really, he'll be gone for 4 weeks since one week vacation takes place before the 3 week temporary lay-off. awesome, eh? it is and it isn't. it's definately better than the alternative which wuold be a complete layoff and it's great because i already have those 2 weeks planned out for house projects!! he's ssssoooo excited...hihihi...and he thought he could jsut lay around and play mafia wars all day!

so the point is.... i need this structure right now. to say i've been under the weather about my back would be an understatement. yes, i cant workout like i used too but i can go for walks and i can do chores, and i can make my lunches. i just let everything slip. 

not anymore... lets hope a month of extreme planning/bookedness will get me back in the right frame of mind.

to weigh or not to weigh?

i haven't really worked out since my back issue (perhaps reason 1 as to why i am NOT losing weight) ... and wow... i saw my thighs today as i was driving and it was not a pretty site... they are losing their pretty little shape..

MUST get back to working out but honestly, i've been a tad scared too. i havent started my PT yet, who friggen knew there was a wait list for it!? ....holdinghandup..... so yeah I've sorta been waiting to get the Ok from them before I start anything but I gotta start up because it's getting harder and harder to do anything at night because of my overall laziness...

but...i scheduled my PT today for the next month....oh holy cow... we are looking at 6:30,7, and 7:30 AM appointments! oi vey... maybe this will assist in my getting up earlier which i have been attempting to do but yet just cant roll outta bed...

so...i hadn't weighed myself since a day before my birthday, mainly because last week was a week of gluttony... plenty of nights spent Happy Houring (uhm..reason 2 as to maybe why I am NOT losing weight)

i knew the scale was up, i was already feeling jiggle-ish, the last thing i needed was to feel even worse because of the damn scale...so i ignored it, usually a bad sign, right? well today, i felt confident in the reading so I (read I did not have Nate hide the scale on me, i actually put it away) pulled the scale out of hiding and did a quick hop on it... not bad... not where I was but I'm happy with it. I feel like its the top most weight for my body...

so wow...to get to the actual point of this post, part of my Year of Fabulousity is to NOT be ruled by the scale. we all know the scale fluctuates and that sodium as well as hormones can make the scale wonky and I vow to all of you, that I will no longer let the scale determine my happiness.

obviously, i'll need to continue to weigh myself because i am attempting to lose weight but seriously, scale jumping 5x's a day is not healthy. once a week, twice a week is healthy.

i want balance.
i will create my balance, one step at a time.

The Year of Fabulousity

I've been meaning to get this up since this past weekend but just haven't felt up to it, but since I'm back in the office, trying to do my thang, I'm thinking it's time to go live!

so...my thang...i've been grappling with for a while (this is also something i partially blame for my weight stall, a whole thing called 'self-love'..tihi...)

but i digress partially because i don't even know where to begin...

So, I'll start here..Hi! I'm Rebecca, people also refer to me as Rae.

I went through this phase where I wanted to be called Rae. Why? Well...because I read in Cosmo, or some similar girly mag, that you had a better chance of meeting/dating guys if your name was boy-ish. And of course, for the life of me I can't think of any examples besides Sam aka Samantha.

Smart idea, riiiiiiight. What can I say?! I was young...and dumb...

Needless to say, I've slowly gone back to Rebecca and besides Nate's group, aka our core group of friends, everyone else knows me as Rebecca.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, you guys don't really know me. I mean, know me.

Yes, I am a weight obsessed person but I've come to realize that my weight obsession stems from a far greater problem.

I frequently repress the person who I really want to be. I do everything because I feel the need to be accepted by this group or that group, or god forbid my family.

sssoooo, my goal for this year is to not only be true to myself but embrace my fabulousity. Thank you Kimora for coining that term!

I'll still talk about my battle with weight but I'm also going to talk about how much I love decorating, party planning, traveling, eating, etc.

To say I am scared shitless would be an understatement, it means I have to commit to changes that I have always struggled with. It means that I can't be lazy and take the easy way out, because I've been taking the easy way out, wwwwaaaaayyyyyy too often.

It should definitely be an interesting, bumpy ride...

buckling up my seatbelt...

ugh...

ugh...i'm not quite sure whats going on but i'm having some stomach issues...

yesterday it was passed off as being hung over, but when it didn't pass by 5 pm, I knew it was more serious.

it's getting better but still not my old self, between back pain and feeling as if my intestines were being squished together by a rubberband...i feel horrible.

be back soon..

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm here

annoyed.
in pain.
cranky.
chub(bier)

be back when i feel like talking.

healthy or not

so lets see...

i've been to the chiro, who thinks i have a sprained back. i trust my chiro, i feel like he's listened to me throughout my entire back dilemma.

i've been to an MD whose part of an orthopedics office, i waited 2 hrs, only for him to see me for 5 mins and when i asked him what i could do cardio wise, he mocked me asking him whether walking was ok by saying... "i don't care if you walk for miles." needless to say, i won't be going back.

the next day i went and saw a DO, instead of a Doctors in Medicine, he has a Doctors in Orthopedics. who spent a good half hour listening and talking to me. i don't know how happy i was with his lack of diagnosis but i felt much more comfortable knowing he saw where i was coming from and where i wanted to be.

game plan: 4 weeks of physical training, then he and i will reconvene and see how i'm doing and while that's going on, my back is under 'supervision' for the next 6 months... if i have more episodes then we'll see if i need a MRI.

i'm not taking any meds during the day, i'm taking valium at night for muscle relaxation or something like that. 

it sucks. it blows. my weights up then it's down but its not making the progress i wish i were able to make. next week, i need to start hitting the gym whether it just be walking on the treadmill or swimming a few laps. thats what i'm allowed to do. 

hhhmmm... why does this feel like de ja vu?!

Easter

whose on a roll...oh yeah baby...

i dont know what it is but i feel like the more often i check in here, the better i succeed. mainly because it keeps me accountable and there is nothing more exciting than cheering on a fellow weight-loser.

so, Easter is about 4 days away and i am 100% prepared..yup..i already have my menu planned, an action plan and the table decorations picked out. all that i gotta do now is clean and bake.

on top of that, i have yet to have 1 single Cadbury creme egg... oh yeah... i feel fabu-less. this is the first year where i barely have any candy. ok, i probably still have too much but considerably less than in the years past.

it's been officially a week now since ive last worked out and it blows...blows!!
except i cant decide if i miss it because it helps me lose weight, i'm holding steady right now, or because i genuinely enjoy it.

my chiro thinks i sprained my back. yeah...how about that. i knew i shouldnt have started on that damn weight routine....but i'm loving the cut-ness of my thighs!!!

today i go to the orthopedist... regardless of whats going on, i have serious back issues that need to get straightened out, hopefully i wont be sidelined too much longer!!

frustrated,

short circuit

so, after the much talked about episode on Oprah, I had to see it...

seriously... Valerie looks fab-u-lous!!! oh my god... altho i don't really believe all she does is your typical abs and tricep dips but hell... what do i know, I have neither of those?!

anyways... i was sorta bummed she was only on there for like 5 mins and the rest centered around Star. i actually had to turn it off because i became hostile. seriously, i just dont want to hear your sob story. is that harsh?

i just feel like to some degree, we all have the same background, with a few differing details, we are all unhappy but we aren't really doing anything about it. so lets shut the eff up and do it. 

especially peeps like star and oprah... hello... they can afford someone to do their grocery shopping/label reading, they have chefs who make their food and snacks. they have the ability to train with the best trainers... WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM!?

no more excuses here...

short week...

i did it again!!! coming in to the week with a measly 0.5 gain!! i'm getting good at this, wouldn't you say?

i feel like i deserve extra kudos since i haven't been able to workout. remember my back issues from last september?, yup, they are back. oh. my. god. not as bad as back then but still bad enough that my head reaches my destination 5 mins before my ass does.

i think i know what it is too... i had my suspicions and i should have stopped but i didn't.

it's my new weight lifting routine... i'm just doing way too heavy squats/lifts. i was loving the results i was seeing. i'll need to stop tho because i can't continue on like this. i have an appt scheduled with the orthopedist for weds so we'll see what he says, I'll probably have to do some PT which i am fine with as long as i get better, fast!

i'm thinking too i'll need to find a new weight routine.. i'm just not ready to do Jillian's workout again. any suggestions?

so, my weekend was pretty boring. my back hurt too much for us to go out and do anything saturday night and friday was spent at friends playing card games. i did however attend my gf's, kids 1st birthday party and wow...would you be proud of me. i ate a half portion of both the lasagna and cake and a double portion of salad!!

ugh...i feel sorta down. i really wanted to make April my beyotch..and I guess I still can, it's just that I have never solely relied on my eating for weight loss. i know its doable but can i do it?

i'll have to do it!

Finally! Friday!!!

wooohoooo!!! it's Friday!!! and I've had a fabulous week. seriously peeps...

so..for a couple of NSV's:

1. Ordered the Chicken Fajita Pita at Chilis, since it was recommended per "Eat This, Not That" and since I knew these would come with fries. I double checked to make sure, and the waiter was like "oh, no no. it's just the pita." so what does it come out with? FRIES! and the douche bag had the nerve to act like he was able to swing me a couple of fries. I DIDNT EVEN WANT FRIES! I had wanted to substitute the broccoli... did any of them make it into my mouth? no sirree.... i actually have to admit, i was getting full half way through my pita!!
2. Then while at Target, I saw this cute blazer in the Converse section... and a size L fit!!! what a feat for a busty chica like moi! unfortunately, i probably will be returning it since it didnt look very cute with the jeans i had in mind.

So, April is like a crazy huge birthday month for me, and since my paycut/increase in health insurance as well as just trying to cut back on spending, I am spending less on a gifts and I feel guilty. I mean, I'm usually quite generous, but I'm slashing all gifts in half. Do you think peeps will be understanding of that?

I know, it seems silly to be worrying about it but I do.. oh well...

Besides a birthday party for a toddler tomorrow, I don't have a whole lot planned. The NCAA Final Four is in town so a lot is going on and I hope to make it down to Detroit this weekend. Would love to see N.E.R.D. but I doubt Ill make it out there tonight. Definitely hope to see the PCD tomorrow, word has it they are gonna be partying up at the Whitney post-performance.

Oohhh, I've also been thinking of joining a local co-op around here and two weekends ago visited my first one in Ypsi. I wasn't that impressed. I was able to get a lot of those products at Trader Joe's. Sure, they had a few bulk items but none of which I really needed, so hopefully I can hit up the other co-op in Ann Arbor this weekend. Do any of you shop at co-ops?

alrighty...on that note, have a safe, fun and successful weekend!

"i've got the magic stick"

hahahaha..ok, not really but i do think...

i have finally figured out at what caloric intake i am finally losing weight again!

has it been almost two weeks since i've started tracking seriously?
i had been eating at about 1900 daily...i've been bumping it down to about 1600 and the scale has been moving the past few days...wooohooo!!!

i know, 300 cals seems a lot... it's not really. lets just say, that i've really had to re-evaluate my dinner. i've been doing a lot more portioning and weighing of food. i seriously had just been consuming way too much protein and unnecessary carbs at dinner, which has led me to feeling full. not stuffed but definitely on that border line. so now i also feel less fatigue after dinner, i always felt like i could just curl up and go to sleep whereas now i have at least energy for a couple more hours, which leads me to not skipping the gym. i just really hate leaving the house again after ive unwound but so be's it!

we'll see how long this lasts, if I need to make any adjustments i will but for now i am definitely feeling satisfied and the count down is on!!