I havent been on The Biggest Loser bandwagon this season, I can't pinpoint it exactly but I think it has to do with the fact that I can't buy into the whole losing 6-20 lbs a week anymore.
Back in the day when I thought I could take a magical pill, continue to eat the way I did, exercise minimally, I was awed by the show, but 5 months of figuring myself out, seeing that the majority of TBL contestants don't keep the weight off, I'm not as obsessed as I had been in years past.
However, Tuesday's episode was phenom. Seriously... the first half hour I was like....frick..really but after that, I was hooked! Hooked because they finally showed what weight loss is about.
Unleashing those inner demons that made us and keep us fat. Sure... not everyone has a story, but I'm going to say the majority of us have a story as to why we got fat and why we can't beat it.
Every single contestant was relatable last night and exactly what I needed to get past my funk.
You see, I ran into someone from my past on Monday, that sent my world spiraling out of control. I don't think it helped that I was already a tad under the weather but after bumping into her, I was in full out in "pity me" mode.
It is also the first time in 5 months that I said fuck it and full out binged while my heart was telling me to step on the brakes, that it wasn't worth it and that I had worked too hard to backslide now. Did it stop me? No... I think I needed to wallow in pizza and chocolate to figure shit out. Tuesday morning i felt a tad better, in recovery mode but still in a "pity me" mode. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally got my old/new self back.
Please bare with me as I type this because I'm not even sure myself how to word it but I feel like it's time for me to put my story out there.
My demon these past few years, where my weight has truly skyrocketed is two-fold
It's me telling me that I am good enough, worthy enough of whatever I want and just because I wasn't able to follow through with the plan, does not make any less of a person than x, y or z! Because really, I'm not, and maybe this leads to an even bigger issue, I must stop comparing myself to others. This one is harder, and maybe it's just within my family, but everything is always such a competition. Who has the bigger house, who makes more money, who has more stuff, who drives a foreign car and on and on and on. It's draining and exhausting, and part of a cycle I wish not to belong to anymore.
I can't live in the past anymore of would/coulda/shoulda, I need to focus on all the great things that are happening and be appreciative of those. I need to focus on how I can make my future better and work towards those goals and you know what? it's been the best thing I can be doing for myself. I'm not saying its easy and gosh knows I backslid on Monday but I think I snapped back quicker than I had in the past.
The reality is, we can all lose weight, we all know that we have to burn more calories than we consume, and I think The Biggest Loser does a great job of showing that, but I think an even more key part to weight loss is taming our demons and learning how to cope without food.
To acknowledge and accept your feelings for an emotional eater like myself is uncomfortable, it's much easier for me to devour a pound of M&M's than accept the truth. What's scarier though is to be still fighting this battle 30 years from now.
I think I'll take that uncomfortable feeling over M&M's, how about you?
Back in the day when I thought I could take a magical pill, continue to eat the way I did, exercise minimally, I was awed by the show, but 5 months of figuring myself out, seeing that the majority of TBL contestants don't keep the weight off, I'm not as obsessed as I had been in years past.
However, Tuesday's episode was phenom. Seriously... the first half hour I was like....frick..really but after that, I was hooked! Hooked because they finally showed what weight loss is about.
Unleashing those inner demons that made us and keep us fat. Sure... not everyone has a story, but I'm going to say the majority of us have a story as to why we got fat and why we can't beat it.
Every single contestant was relatable last night and exactly what I needed to get past my funk.
You see, I ran into someone from my past on Monday, that sent my world spiraling out of control. I don't think it helped that I was already a tad under the weather but after bumping into her, I was in full out in "pity me" mode.
It is also the first time in 5 months that I said fuck it and full out binged while my heart was telling me to step on the brakes, that it wasn't worth it and that I had worked too hard to backslide now. Did it stop me? No... I think I needed to wallow in pizza and chocolate to figure shit out. Tuesday morning i felt a tad better, in recovery mode but still in a "pity me" mode. It wasn't until yesterday that I finally got my old/new self back.
Please bare with me as I type this because I'm not even sure myself how to word it but I feel like it's time for me to put my story out there.
My demon these past few years, where my weight has truly skyrocketed is two-fold
- I was angry and resentful at my parnets for feeding me pipe dreams (which therefore led me...)
- to be ashamed of where I am (in life.)
It's me telling me that I am good enough, worthy enough of whatever I want and just because I wasn't able to follow through with the plan, does not make any less of a person than x, y or z! Because really, I'm not, and maybe this leads to an even bigger issue, I must stop comparing myself to others. This one is harder, and maybe it's just within my family, but everything is always such a competition. Who has the bigger house, who makes more money, who has more stuff, who drives a foreign car and on and on and on. It's draining and exhausting, and part of a cycle I wish not to belong to anymore.
I can't live in the past anymore of would/coulda/shoulda, I need to focus on all the great things that are happening and be appreciative of those. I need to focus on how I can make my future better and work towards those goals and you know what? it's been the best thing I can be doing for myself. I'm not saying its easy and gosh knows I backslid on Monday but I think I snapped back quicker than I had in the past.
The reality is, we can all lose weight, we all know that we have to burn more calories than we consume, and I think The Biggest Loser does a great job of showing that, but I think an even more key part to weight loss is taming our demons and learning how to cope without food.
To acknowledge and accept your feelings for an emotional eater like myself is uncomfortable, it's much easier for me to devour a pound of M&M's than accept the truth. What's scarier though is to be still fighting this battle 30 years from now.
I think I'll take that uncomfortable feeling over M&M's, how about you?
I too have been fighting demons! It is so hard-
ReplyDeleteSomeone told me this week just make it through today! Ya know that is so simple but so easy to forget! You can do this....
Great post Rebecca. One of the biggest changes I have noticed for myself is that if I overindulge I acknowledge it and move forward instead of letting it send me into a food eating frenzy.
ReplyDeleteA really great post. If we don't address the root cause of our eating problems, we'll never succeed. Full stop.
ReplyDeleteYou're going about all of this the RIGHT way, and you're setting yourself up to succeed forever.:-)
Awww thanks for sharing. We're all battling with something or another. It's such a barrier for all of us. Way to go identifying your demmon and facing it head on!
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen the recent episode of TBL yet. I have it DVR'ed though. Now I am anxious to see it. It made such an impact on you that now I am curious. Congrats on your revelation. These light bulb moments lead to a lot of growth and progress. Because as you pointed it , it is about so much more than the food! It is so much deeper than that! I really feel for your struggles because you remind me a lot of me. I have faith that you are on the road to success! Now it's time you had that faith in yourself ! :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a fabulous post Rebecca. It takes a lot of hard work to deal with the demons, but it really is worth it. For me, I knew I turned to food because I was unhappy, and so I knew if I was going to lose the weight and keep it off I had to deal with the things that were making me unhappy - similar to some of the issues you've raised here. Unrealistic expectations, worrying about what other people think, obsessing and feeling resentful about things that had happened to me in the past instead of focusing on the future. It was a long hard road, but my God if I hadn't done it I'd be worse off than where I was five years ago...and that is a terrifying thought!
ReplyDeleteIf you deal with these issues you can't fail - you won't be a regainer, you'll lose it for life! And you'll be so much happier too. It beats M&M's anyday, I agree!
http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/holiday-icebox-cookies?backto=true&backtourl=/photogallery/icebox-cookies#slide_9
ReplyDeleteI don't know how they'll taste but they look so cute!
I think that your last comment was so profound - M&M's won't help at all, but dealing with those past demons will move you forward. This was a lesson I had to learn myself as well.
ReplyDeleteStay strong!