welcoming 2009 in the 170's!

I figured I'd give a quick update before we head out for the night.

We are having dinner at this hotel out in the country. Funny, considering we are in the country, but this is even more in the country, actually in a valley. It should be fun, I hope. Not really quite sure what to expect since this place is usually swarming with old peeps in the summer.

Afterwards we are heading to my grandpa's girlfriends. god. I'm not even gonna explain the annoyance I feel. He wants to include her in everything we do, which is really fine, but the problem is that she doesn't really want to be included so she bows out and then we have to play by her tune. Like us going to hers after dinner. Hello...this place is supposed to be having music, dance, fun. Regardless of how fun it is, we'll be forced to leave early so that we can spend some time with them. Annoying. Very, very annoying.

Stepping on the scale this morning was a tad scary. I wasn't sure what to expect but am very happy tio report that I am squeaking into the new year with a 179!!! hahaha...that puts me about 3 lbs less than when I left MI and 3 lbs over my lowest. A 3 lb gain isn't too bad if you ask me!

So, lets see.. I have some New January resolutions. Hahaha, see I know myself well enough that yearly resolutions are ones I can't stick too. I think they can be too vague and wow, thinking that they encompass 365 days is a tad overwhelming. Whereas 31 days seem more doable, like I am not setting myself for failure and this year there will be no failure.

I would like to think all my goals are reasonable and doable. Key word: reasonable. No crazy pipe dreams. Lots of hardwork and sweat envolved but I'm ready to make this year even better than last year's!

So...See ya'll in '09!

let there be food...

we spent the 26th at my uncle's and aunt's, a term i use loosely since she's only 5 years my senior.


the afternoon started off with coffee, what else?!, and this fabulous dessert liquor. mind you, i'm not a huge liquor drinker but this, damn, it just went down like the sweetest nectar I've ever tasted. they got it while they were in Dresden and I guess the city only makes a limited amount per season and when its gone, it's gone.


ramona typically makes a plentitude of tortes but this year stuck to one Ferrero Rocher torte and a stollen. the torte was so rich I couldnt even finish my slice. and that is when it began...


"rebecca, the torte was made with fat free cream"
"thanks but I'm full. the torte was really delicious but also very rich"
"ugh come on now rebecca, i don't think i've ever seen you not finish a piece of torte"


ok, i didnt say this part but was screaming it my head YOUR RIGHT BECAUSE UP UNTIL NOW I'VE NEVER HAD A BACKBONE BUT I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN AND NOT EATING ANYMORE BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!


frankly I was a tad annoyed, albeit not stuffed or feeling ill like in years past, but I remember when she was losing weight, never did I try to force food upon her if she didnt want it she didnt want it.


dinner was light. it started off with a salad with raspberry viniagrette, then we had steamed salmon with basmatic rice, spinach noodles and potatoes with a parsley dill sauce. hahaha carbo overload thankyou very much. i stuck to the noodles and i think i eyeballed about a cup. i stopped after that, i was full, on the verge of being stuffed and i already had a headache, plus i knew we would have dessert. i could tell then that the mood had slightly changed. ramona wasn't smiling as much, i'm sure hurt by our refusal but there just wasnt any room. towards they end of dinner where they were still eating and we were just sitting there, she would occassionaly drop " i just can't believe it, i don't even know you guys. christmas time is not the time to diet."


i tried explaining to her that we aren't dieting but just stopping when we are full. a concept that she either didnt grasp or didnt want to understand. i can't blame her really.


in years past, i'd always dieted up until my germany trip and then let it go buck wild for 2 weeks, eating everything and anything i had given up before. this year has been very different for me. being that i am NOT on a diet, i've tried a few things differently. eating what i want when i want, altho considerably smaller, just enough to give me that satisfied indulgent feeling.


i've done so well on my path, that it phsically ails me when i eat to that stuffed feeling.

i'm not doing it anymore unless i want to and i don't.

oh, holy throw-up

ugh...greetings my fellow dieters...

you know, it's one thing to get intigrated into my dad's 'new' family but an entire different experience when your now meeting your grandpa's 'new' extended family. granted, granted, i can understand my grandpa's position but geeze, what is this world coming to when your grandparents are back in the dating scene.

Christmas Eve was very mellow. Nate got a case of the runs theday before Christmas Eve and was pretty much out of commission the majority of the day. everything was smooth until my grandpa and i forced ourselves to eat in excess because we couldnt stand seeing a nearly full bowl of chocolate. seriously, I remember in years past where we would gorge at dinner, gorge on cookies and chocolate and still have room for dessert when we got back from midnight mass. honestly, i just can't stand that stuffed feeling anymore. its not even the calories but that horrible pressing on my stomach that bothers me.

Christmas day was nice. We had decided that we'd sleep until we wanted too and that my grandpa would just eat without us, of course by noon my grandpa couldnt stand it anymore and forced us up. Everything was fine there until about 5 when I started feeling queasy. Needless to say my evening was spent with my face in the toilet bowl. Uh huh.. if I hadnt felt like crap I would have been elated. I mean, I felt and looked huge Christmas because of my gorging the night before and there is nothing like getting back to your pre-Christmas weight with a minor illness.

sound off

now that Christmas is over, at least for me, I think it's time for me to share some of my very un-merry christmas shoppinhg stories.

now, I dont know about you, but i've heard plenty of news reports stating how sales are down and people aren't buying and blahblahblah. ok, perfect, not only did we have sales galore but I'm thinking, the stores will be overjoyous with the fact that I am ready to spend my money.

The BAD:
Banana Republic, Rochester Hills at The Village: Oh holy shiyat. Are you kidding me!? Lars, the Manager, was by far the least cooperative person I have ever met at a Banana Republic and as a Luxe member, I DEMAND some sort of extra special treatment. Both times I was there, I, by far, was the biggest spender. Lars, I hope, your District Manager comes down hard on you. Yup, Customer Service and I had multiple chats about you and in this economy, you better be kissing my ass.

Macy's at Somerset: Are you kidding me!? I was ready to spend $500 on these pair of boots. However, I was never given the chance because no one had the time to service me. Once again, a sign, that maybe these retailers are doing quite well.

Clarin's counter at Nordstorm (Somerset) and Macy's (12 Oaks): First off, there was no sales person at the Nordstorm counter. Secondly, when I get to the Clarin's counter at 12 Oaks, I ask for some assistance the lady says to me, I have 1 minute left before I clock out so I can pull what you need. I was shocked. Are you frickin kidding me?! I was ready to drop some dough and your telling me you have a minute left. I looked at her and said. "Alright, I'll go to the Clinique counter where I can get some real service." turned around and left. Her jaw dropped and I was mad as hell.

The GOOD:
Banana Republic, Somerset: Heather, was very friendly, running back and forth to get me sizes and other items I might enjoy. Thank you, for making one shopping experience enjoyable. I hope that commision buys you somehing nice.

Clinique, at 12 Oaks: Peggy, thank you so much for not only willing to take the time to help me but calm me down because that damn Clarins lady had me fuming. I promise next time I need something, I'll come back because dont you work on commissions?

Did anyone else experience this? God... I guess I can at least say I saved some money this season but that wasn't really the point. I wanted to go out and help stimulate the economy but I refuse to be treated like absolute dirt. I work hard for my money and demand some service. I'm sorry if you were once making six figures and now barely making $7 an hour. Be thankful you have a job!

and now I'll get off my soap box....

this and that

so, its been about a week and something since ive last posted so lemme recap in bullet points.

• the group of people who workout during the month of December are very different from the peeps I regurarly see at the gym. now, not that I am biased, however I saw nothing NOTHING but skinny peeps at the gym. is that possible, that I was the heaviest there? it makes me wonder if that is the difference btw those that do it for life and those that do it as a fad?

• i'm in germany. yes the much dreaded christmas trip. its my second day in and it hasnt been horrible. went for a long hour long walk today and as soon as nate and my grandpa head out, I plan on doing some other exercises.

• ive gained some weight back, i'm not too overly concerned about it, but i know I won't let it get any more while i'm here. i'm not giving up on this wol so that i can make myself some crazy promises i don't plan on adhering to in the new year!

anyways, if i dont get back to here before Christmas, I wish you all very Merry Christmas!

thankful

Toys for Tots came today to pick up their boxes.

I guess historically, LA is the largest giver, followed by Chicago. This year however, Detroit just may surpass Chicago. I'd say pretty exciting except it just goes to show you how dire our situation is here in Michigan.

I'm definitely a tad disappointed by Congress however the UAW isn't the only one at fault. Don't even get me started on the whole bank bailout.

Given all these circumstances, Nate and I are trying to give more than we ever have before.

I am so thankful to have a job, and couldn't imagine not giving this season when there are so many people without.

At Nate's company, they adopted 4 families this year. In years past, they only had 2 and had a hard time getting things on their wish list. Not only did they adopt 2 more families this year, but almost all the items were collected for.

The socialist in me is very pleased at how people are trying to do what they can to help out those less fortunate than others this year. It's a shame though that it had to come to such circumstances for some of us to reach out. I think though that this is just the beginning of what we are going to be able to achieve in the next weeks, months, and years to come.

mental

as i was rummaging through my clothes to find my jeans, the first ones i stumbled across were my Gap ones.

the ones I so thankfully fit into yet also discovered they are too lose.

its those same ones that I dread to put on because everytime i see them, i remember how i stood in the fitting room and could barely get them to zip.

i get butterflys in my stomach when i slip my legs into them, i hold my breath as i pull them over my thighs and while i button them i pray i dont have to suck in.

they were lose at 179, why oh why would they be too tight now?!

it just goes to show you, mind games, i play too many of them and maybe the reason my body didnt lose more last month was because i don't see myself as i am. i'm not who i was 3 monthes ago, or even at the beginning of the year.

Just an Update

wow, the first week is almost over and i'm doing well. great even! those cravings are non-existant if I could only stop being so damn tired I could make it to the gym, i'd be golden.

i have a lot going on but dont want to not post since it seems to help my motivation along so you may just see quick excerpts of what is really going on.

i just finished Twilight and can not wait to get the 2nd book. is anyone else as addicted to it as i am? nate doesn't understand the obsession, perhaps partially because he never really has been a huge book fanatic, but i was much relieved to hear that when he spoke to a buddy of his, his wife had gone through the same thing.

part of the reason why i havent been posting so much here is because i'm posting here more often. i think i've mentioned maybe once or twice that i love to craft, paper craft and I'm focusing on that blog for the beginning of December.

i've been at 176.5 for two days now. woooohooooo.

i would love to hit the 20lbs lost mark before i left for christmas vacation! we'll see how well that goes. i'm not doubtig my motivation but more or less if my body will comply!

on that note, have a fabulous weekend!

Blimpie

Pre-Thanksgiving weight:


Post-Thanksgiving weight:



IS IT POSSIBLE TO GAIN 6.5 LBS IN A FEW SHORT DAYS?!

Can I just tell you how freaked out I was when I stepped on the scale on Monday? Don't get me wrong I had my suspicions but that didn't stop me from continuing to eat out, have milkshakes, etc.

Regardless of my weekend, there is a larger underlying issue or else I would have lost more than 2.5 lbs.

Old habits are slowly creaping back into my lifestyle.

1. Not preparing foods as much therefore
2. Eating out more
3. Being on track 100% during the week but come Friday night, switching to partying mode

Granted I was still eating right but the reality is when your eating out 2 to 4 times a week, it's just tough. The above cycle really hinders weightloss and part of me wants to say fuck it, and deal with it for the rest of this month but NO.

NO! I SHOULD BE WEIGHING IN THE 160S!

I think one thing I have been overlooking is that I have some issues I need to deal with. Some issues with my parents, and although i always think I am past them, I'm just not and I think it's when issues arise with my family I go to the only think I know. Food.

I am an emotional eater. I've never denied that and when I can't take anymore, its what I do.

So...what did I do?

Back to Phase 1. Two days in and I'm doing well. My weight is back in the 170's, right where I figured it would be.

Nate and I are thinking of taking a luxe vacation in April but our stipulation was that we need to be back at our original dating weight. Nowhere near our goal but nothing unattainable. I am hoping this and an old bikini is the exact motivation I need this month!