Physical Assessment

We get to the gym, meet at the personal trainer area and after the 3rd person asked us who we were waiting for, we find out that we were double booked. That particular trainer set us up with him for Sunday. Wasted trip? No uh uh...we just hopped on the machines and did a workout instead.

Sunday we head back up to meet with Don and did our assessment. Nothing to out of the ordinary and the results came back as I expected. According to that, my body is 29 yrs old and I have the potential of turning it into an 18 yr. olds body! My body consists of 31% body fat.

The one thing that bothered me, and I must confess, still somewhat has me on edge is that he said, per the computer of course and obviously nothing is 100%, my body needs 1800 cals a day to lose weight.

Mind you, I've been consuming 24 pts., which if 1 pt = 50 cals, that puts me at 1200 cals a day and if i workout and burn 600, I'm only consuming 600 for that day. I typically don't use flex or my ap points during the week, i figure i use them plus some on the weekend.

It just seems like so much to be consuming 1800 calories. Then again, I've more or less trained myself that if I'm "on", heck yeah I'll only be consuming 1200 cals and if I'm "off" there is no rule to how many calories I'll be consuming.

I was seriously so distraught over this, I had to eat a Cookies and Cream bar to help deal with this news. I tried talking it through with Nate but he was so ecstatic that he should be eating 2400 cals a day to lose weight that he was no sound bouncing board.

Conclusion: I'm gonna give it a try. Even if I eat 1800 and burn 600, I'll be at a decent 1200 for the day. I wasn't happy with the gain last week. Could it be that I wasn't feeding my body enough? Possibley. That time of the month could have affected it too.

Speaking of cals, he was quite impressed though by the quality of food we ate and how knowledgable we were. about protein/carbs/fat, snacks. etc. It wouldnt surprise me if he wondered why were over-weight, but the reality is the weekends normally undo all the hardwork we achieved during the week.

My mom made something very clear though, I'm either "on" or "off" and that is one thing I don't want to be anymore. I don't want to be "on" or "off", i want to be constant/consistent. This "on" and "off" bullshit is exactly why I am here again 15 lbs heavier! This is the year it's coming off, staying off and for that to happen I need to make real changes. 600 cals a day Monday - Thurs, and 2000+ Friday - Sunday isn't it either. Who knows, maybe this 1800 thing won't be so bad.

it's ok

man...what a rough week!

it started last week, Thursday to be exact. I had a craving for a Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe from Wendy's. I told myself I could have one for lunch on Friday since I typically go out. Well, all Thursday night I was debating back and forth "do i get one? don't i get one?" and honestly the sole reason why i was even debating this is...my coworkers whom I have lunch with, know I'm attempting to lose weight and I just didnt want to evoke any response. Isn't that bullshit?! Instead I had a LC panini and was miserable for the rest of the day. On the way home, I consumed half a Snickers, half a Twix, half a bag of 0.99 Doritos and Fritos. Hhhhmmmm...wonder how I could have prevented that one?

I swear to all of thee now, that if I am every craving something for more than a couple of hours, I will eat it, regardless of whose around and just move the fuck on!

That little incident set the tone for the rest of the weekend...I did well here and there but there were a few isolated incidents throughout until about Tuesday. Seems like Tuesday I finally got my shit back together. With that all being said...here are my stats for this week:



What happened Tuesday that turned me around?! I finally went back to the gym!!!! Wooohooo!!
I received the OK from the Dr. on Monday that it's safe for me to start going to the gym. Needless to say, that totally picked up my spirits. I was sorta down which could have also left me for vulnerable that previous Friday. Regardless, I have been back to the gym every day except for yesterday and at 11 AM Saturday morning I have my fitness evaluation with a PT!!

Gosh...I was so disappointed Friday morning. Part of me was just frickin devastated. I think I was for the majority of the ride into work but the entire time I was telling myself, I had to get over it because it isn't gonna help me focus on this upcoming week. You know what? I got over it. I made a great choice at lunch. I had a salad with the cheese and dressing on the side. Only had half of it, and maybe 2 Tbsp of the dressing.

I feel very optimistic about this week. It feels great being back in the gym and this little bump has me totally refocused again. I have high hopes for this week.

On that note, time to get ready for my fitness evaluation!!!

Have a great weekend ladies!

may he rest in peace

i just saw the headline...Heath Ledger has passed away, 28 years old.

how sad...

whatever the cause may be, i hope he may rest peacefully.

does anyone remember the day Diana died?

i do, not because I was terribley heart broken but because it really affected my mom.

not that i am comparing his death to hers, but i feel this sadness for him, his soon to be ex-wife who would just be his widow now right?, and young daughter.

don't i feel dumb for complaining about dumb shit. like having a handful of graham crackers that weren't planned for.

another one bites the dust

wwwwwwooooooohhhhhhhhoooooooo.....



man, was i freaking out. i had actually achieved this loss over the weekend. do not ask me how i pulled that one off, but then on wednesday and thursday i started showing a gain for no reason! i would have been so disappointed had i not been able to post this number today.

in the past i would always "celebrate" every loss. not necessarily by eating a candy bar or anything but perhaps by a couple of extra larger meals throughout the weekend. not so much anymore, at least not last weekend. granted, i did have pizza last friday but i only had 2 slices!

i think i'm finally realizing that although each month has roughly 30 days and on the 1st that seems like so much, in reality though, the month flies by. in the past, i have set high goals and dicked around until about the 15th when i would realize that the month is half over and now i need to get my tush in gear. would i ever reach my lofty goals at that point? not usually because i had spent half the month dicking around.

not this time ladies, i think i've finally had it, setting the same damn goal every year. maybe those six monthes i took off gave me plenty of time to come face-to-face with my slackish ways.

my focus is fierce right now. don't get me wrong, there were a couple of nights where i really questioned myself again but you just have to plow through those. it usually only lasts a few hours, at most, anyways.

i think part of the reason why I quit last June was also because I was tired of coming home every night, exhausted and then still having to cook dinner. We ate out a lot last fall. Not this year!

I've decided to cook ahead all my meals for the week on Sunday and wow...has that helped a lot! I should mention if we eat rice or noodles to a dish, I won't cook those ahead. i figured when I get home I can wait those 15 minutes for those items to be cooked. It's been such a help! I know of at least 2 instances this week alone where had I not had those meals waiting in the fridge, we would have either gone out or brought something home. I mean, it's time intensive to be cooking all day Sunday but just knowing that I already know what we are going to be eating that week and being able to come home and have a cooked meal is FABULOUS!!!!!!!

on that note...have a fabulous weekend ladies! and

ONWARD AND DOWNWARD!!!

Breaking Up is Hard to do

Remember how I told you guys Nate and I had joined this gym? Fitness 19. It wasn't really anything fancy and once I had done the cost analysis it would have actually been more expensive by me paying extra for the classes than if we would sign up with Lifetime Fitness.


Well, in this contract, we had a 3 day grace period to cancel our membership and there was this clause about Sundays. Nate and I both interpreted it differently and decided it would be best if we cancelled it Saturday.


Well, that Saturday, 2 weeks ago, my gf and her sis came by to hang out and we had decided to head out for dinner. Saturday's however, this gym, was only open till 7. So, I drop them off at the restaurant at 5:30 because there usually is a wait on Saturdays, and since the gym was only down the street I figured it would take me max 15 minutes to sign the document cancelling the membership and by then, we might have a table.

I get there and inform the front desk person I would like to cancel my membership. He searches through the directory and can't find my name so I then mention that I had just signed up Thursday night. After telling me to go wait over by the chairs, in a not so friendly tone, he asks why I'm deciding to leave. So, MAJOR MISTAKE according to everyone who has already heard this story, I tell him the truth. I'm joiningg Lifetime because it makes more financial sense for me since I am interested in taking classes.


After leaving me there for about 5 minutes, he comes back and asks me to go back to the sales area and he'd be back shortly. fcuk, whose waiting there for me?! the hot trainer guy from that Thursday. of course he knew what i was doing and at this point i was a little uncomfortable so i'm basically staring at the ceiling pretending it's the most fascinating thing i've seen since that lava water from the late 90's. do i even need to tell you what happens next? yes, he starts talking to me!


"so, what classes are you interested in?" i tell him the various classes i plan on taking. "and they cost nothing at Lifetime?" nope, nuthing. then him and his buddy who also happens to be sitting there start whispering . grrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaat! whether or not it was about me, who knows, but it probably was. =)


FINALLY,after having already waited a good 15 minutes, the guy comes back with his dinky little form. while I'm filling it out, he begins to grill me. "have i gone to Lifetime Fitness to verify that the classes cost nothing?" "am I aware of the fact that Lifetime has a crazy upfront fee and crazy monthly plans?" "you know, we gave you guys a great sign-on fee" "how could you sign up with one gym if you weren't 100% about it" at this point, I'm so frickin embarrassed and annoyed I tell him "dude, this isn't anything personel. we made a rash decision and after we really had time to think things through, this wasn't the best choice for us. regardless of how great of a deal it was! and I get up and walk out.

What really should have been a 5, max 10, minute ordeal became a half hour!On top of that I felt like I was in a Friends episode where Ross had been trying to cancel his gym membership and they would always parade around the hot female trainer and then he wouldn't. So, Chandler decides to go with him to lend moral support and by the end he had signed up too!

Nate and I signed up for Lifetime last Saturday...lemme tell you. Schwanky..not really sure if it's worth the moolah we are forking over for it but if this doesn't give me good enough reason to workout, I don't know what will.

Besides that, things are GREAT! I have no clue where my determination and desire are coming from but it actually makes it seem easy. I have great hopes for this Friday's weigh-in. =)

weekends

I can't believe it's almost over and it was GREAT!

ok, nothing out of the ordinary but damn, I was in charge! the only thing that could have made it better was if I would have been well and able to workout, to get this show on the road!

i'm shooting for a lb loss this week.

i'm really struggling with this. 2 reasons:

1) I've already reached my goal for this month in 1 week! Lets maintain this bad boy. Plus, can I really lose weight when I'm not working out?

2) Why not? I feel great, I feel like I'm charge. TAKE ADVANTAGE WHILE YOUR FEELING IT! We all have a great weeks and our good weeks, right?

I cooked 2 meals today for this week: a taco casserole and sausage, chicken and capers. enough for nate and i for lunch this week. it feels great being all prepared and not having to worry about what we are going to eat when.

i might have mentioned it but i am trying to eat my heavier meal at lunch and then at dinner only salad. nate wasn't happy when i told him the plan. oh well, i told him he can do what he wants but know that i am not cooking at night. i'm cooking 2 meals on sunday and you can decide when to eat your warm one.

what can i say?! i said this year is gonna be about me.

TBL

Seriously, I never thought these stats were achievable but somehow I pulled it off.

Let me just state, that I am NOT starving myself, I am eating and I have no clue how this happened since I am not dehydrated, did not have diarrhea or the pukes.



So, I have a conundrum. Part of me is like: gain, gain it back!!!!! Why? Well, this for sure couldn't be a real substantiated weight-loss, or? The other half is like: wwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooohooooooooooooo. You got a break, now run with it because you probably won't for the rest of the year!

I'm leaning towards the latter however that causes another slew of problems. I'm terrified to eat! Don't get me wrong: I'm eating but I'm asking myself two, three times before I put anything in my mouth if I really am hungry and not just bored. Maybe that's a good thing though, I think I quit doing that last fall.

I still get tired easily though. I've been back to work since Wednesday and by the time I get home at night, I have just enough energy to make dinner (Nate has the flu and is bed ridden) and then conk out on the couch around 8. Which reminds me, I MUST take my Christmas decorations down this weekend. They are really getting on my last nerve! I'm just ready to move on. Look forward and not back.

I have this tingling in my stomach. Excitement for the potential that I feel I possess. For once I'm not trying to look at the short-term but focus on the long-term. I can achieve a lot in 4 months if I put my mind to it.

Have a great weekend everyone!

random-ness

as great as it feels to be getting better, having my hunger return is well, uuhh disappointing.

i mean, who can't survive on 2 slices of toast and a can a soup a day?!

in other news, i've been back to reading weight-loss blogs. i'm thinking this is a huge help to me. unfortunately, i just don't get the support from my family. i think i need to accept this fact and move. I am the only one who can control my destiny.

i should also mention, i'm immercing myself in other diet related stuff as well.

two years ago, this didn't work. why? well, i had no life. i was unemployed, had no friends = no life, and was just miserable. well, last year, i got a lot of shit under control. steady job, made some new friends, some new hobbies and somehere along the way, i lost focus of what is truly important.

this year is all about prioritization.

so...i just saw a Jenny Craig ad..damn Valerie is looking good. When did Valerie start JC, last January?

man...i forgot how much fun it is browsing the internet and watching reality tv...

ok, random post. so before i think of other random stuff to talk about i'll post.

there is nothing like a sickness to jumpstart your diet

what can i say?

my first day back, counting Points, exercising (yes, you read that right...I jumped on the elliptical Saturday) and what happens the very next day...

I wake up with a killer fever, hacking cough, and sweats.

I went to the ER today, I guess I have acute bronchitis.

sssssaaaaawwwwwwwweeeeeeeettttttttttttttttttttttttt.

so that 5.5 lb loss is probably just a fluke, eh?

first weigh-in of the year

what a crazy frickin week.

i've been all over the place with my emotions. january first i was all gung ho. the second day still went well until i came home and was preparing dinner and just splurged. no biggie at the time but somehow it carried into thursday and i just wanted to give up again. today miraculously was pretty damn good. good enough that tomorrow I'm beginning to start counting again.

when i weighed in on tuesday, i had hoped to pull off a lb by friday but unfortunately that didn't happen.

imagine what could have happened had i not gone out to eat yesterday?

nate and i finally did the unthinkable....we joined a gym!!!
i wasn't thrilled with the gym we chose. i wanted something more for classes, nate wanted something to get him to go. however the price we were offered for 3 of us was unbeatable.

however, i think we are going to cancel it tomorrow. we were figuring out the costs for me to sign up for the speciality classes and at that price we may as well sign up with lifetime.

ugh...i hate making these expenditures but maybe this is exactly what we need

Happy New Year!!!

Hello ladies!

Happy 2008!!

It's 8 till 10. I have my lunch and breakfast packed for tomorrow and while my strata is finishing up, I'm beginning to watch TBL.

I've decided right here and now, that THIS YEAR I will be ABL.

I cried like crazy yesterday. Totally not what I had planned for New Year's Eve, but maybe, just maybe, it was what I needed to put me here, now.

I'm trying to be optimistic, realistic, you name it.

Today isn't Monday, it's Wednesday. I have one dinner left with my grandpa and although every other conversation revolved around all the weight Ive gained, I know we aren't having a light dinner.

I will be counting Points again and this time working it real.

I have no other option. I can' continue on like this. I have no other option but to get back on the playing field.