i know what my problem is and have been ignoring/suppressing/talking to the wrong people about it. i hope some of you lovely ladies, just may relate.
but, before i type this, i would like to express that i really needed to get this off my chest so I don't really know if I'm looking for advice more so support because whomever i try to talk to about this, just doesn't understand. i believe it has a lot to do with the fact that the Mid West has it's very own culture for girls. Or maybe it's just the people I associate with. No..I don't think it's that but whatever. here we go!
problem 1 : nate and i started dating 5 years ago. 5 years ago we were the first to start dating. fast forward to today, we are attending the last wedding of our buddies in may. note: nate and i are not married.
honestly, i've never been a huge " oh my god, my life won't be whole until i'm married with 2 kids." i just really want the ring, nothing less than two carats but that's beside the point.
lately, i've just felt this pressure. pressure from these ladies wondering a) why we aren't at least engaged yet b) why me not being engaged yet isn't traumatic and c) if nate is upset by the fact that i want a hyphenated name why do i just not take his name (which could be the bigger problem to why we arent engaged yet!). honestly, it's affecting everything. i'm becoming this whiny person talking about weddings, getting married, etc. when in reality it really isnt that big of deal. it's just always brought up when someone else is planning a wedding and for the past couple of years, there is at least 1 wedding a summer!
problem 2: everyone is having babies and a) they cant ever go out and party hardy b) i feel bad that nate just may be missing out on something i'm not that into.
surprisingly, i just haven't been bullied into this one. maybe because this is such a bigger responsibility, life long decision compared to my first problem that i truly do not have any desire to have children. first off, they are expensive and secondly, eff... they are time consuming! i love, love, love not being responsible for another human being. i already feel bad enough that i cant give my handicapped bro enough attention, add in a needy mother and bf and yes, i enjoy the few free hours i get to myself on the weekend.b let me also state, i have always been very open and honest about the fact that i may not want children and nate agreed. he too is stingy with his time yet with him being 33, i just feel guilty. like my love for him isn't good enough if i don't birth his children.
final problem: up until a month and a half ago when i received my promotion, i was bummed, bummed, bummed about my lack of career.
once i had decided that law school wasn't the answer right now, i just didn't feel like i was going anywhere and that just blows when you have 20k in student loans. what happened to that ritzy career i had envisioned for myself? it leads into another problem, although they all may be related, however the Mid West is a very different area. Women my age, are married and have kids, already. Going to a martini bar most likely isn't their thing. I definitely feel in a much better situation now that I am a Customs Specialist however my concern now is...i need to go to grad school. How am I going to afford this when my company doesn't assist me and I have yet to set up a 401k because my company doesn't contribute to that either!?
The first two have really been the greatest issues.
Nate and I are at a great place right now. We're situated and looking to have a good time and the majority of our friends can't because they have so many other frickin commitments with babies or kids. It is so difficult to meet other couples with similar interests because they assume your looking to swing. SO NOT, what we are after.
I just don't know what I can do to get past these mental bumps. Should I just push it to the back of my mind? I'd say I do that the majority of the time but it's when something happens that triggers any of these 3, I hit this road block that sidelines me for a week.
maybe i need some counseling? am i having a quarter life crisis?