end of the month...

what a month!!!

part of me wants to totally indulge in $0.31 cent scoop night but right now... the only thing on my mind is working out.

I lost 9 lbs this month!!!!!! i'll be damned if i don't have another fabulous month next month!!! yes, i didn't reach my goal but i'm thisclose....maybe i can post it on Friday, if not...no biggie, i know i will be there next week.

i'm really busting my ass in the gym right now. i started jillian's workout on saturday and doing that faithfully, in addition to that i'm adding cardio here and there depending on my schedule, and boy am i sore. i've been sore for most of the week and it feels great! i really needed to switch things up. i hated feeling like i wasn't getting anywhere and since i'm holding off on getting personal training sessions, i just have to motivate myself. yes, i've been thinking of getting personal training sessions but at $70 a pop and at least 2 a week, 4 weeks a month, that puts me at almost $600. Sure, I could afford it, it would be tough but I haven't exhausted all my options yet. I've heard some fabulous reviews about Jillian's first workout book and I've never made it through the first 12 weeks so I'm really giving that a a go when I hit that major plateau (uummm remember I stayed at 169 for almost an entire year before I starting gaining my weight back) I'll consider getting a trainer.

the biggest loser was such an inspiration this past season. alli totally wow'ed me, as did kelly. fuck...if they can do it, so can i! it's really just not thinking about it and doing it.

don't get me wrong...monday night i didn't start working out until 9:30 because i just didn't want to. tuesday, i was thinking about food nonstop...what i wanted to eat, what i couldn't eat, what i should be eating, when i should be eating...honestly, it's a new, yet the same battle everyday.

i think the hardest thing for me right now is the not eating out. i really do love eating out. i love the convenience, i love the options, being waited on, not having to worry about the cleanup. what i dislike is the game it plays with my body and the scale. i can't say it gets easier not eating out but i'm trying to add little indulgences here and there to make up for it.

for example, i have a 100 calorie snack pack, blueberry streussel muffin, with my coffee in the morning. if they weren't so damn small they would be perfect! it brings the experience of having an ordinary coffee to something indulgent/exciting like being with family on a sunday afternoon enjoying a great torte.

it's definitely difficult trying to bring excitement into your food when your trying to watch your weight but i think if it weren't for these small indulgences, it would make this even harder.

i struggle as it is, i don't need anything else to add to that.