contentment

that's what i feel right now as i type this.

i struggled tonight. made some poorer choices for my dinner yet still at 9:30 hauled my ass into the fitness room and elipticized for 45 mins.

this week has been fabulous. i've been back on track, changed some of eating thanks to my nutritionist and just maybe, maybe have this thing figured out.

as the month end is nearing, i'm excited. looking back, i think this has been by far one of the best weight loss months i have ever had. yes, ever!

i can't even describe what has changed, except that there's been a switch. a switch in my thinking, a switch in doing things. what i had been doing had not been working for me. sure, maybe temporarily but had you told me two years ago i would regain the weight and then some...i might have believed you because everything has always been a temporary fix.

i'm trying to make changes  that i can sustain with how i live now and it's hard/scary.

scary because it's new. scary because i don't know what results i will see. scary because it goes against all the norms.

a lot of people have asked me how the nutrition class went, would i recommend it, was it money well spent.  material wise: no, i didn't learn a whole lot. fuck...when you've been dieting for most of your life, i think you've read every book out there on everything! sure i'd recommend it, although all the info she teaches you, you could learn on your own by reading just a handful of the diet books i've read.

what i took out of it was the one on one time I was able to spend with her. she didn't know me, she saw me once a week for an hour, usually just the two of us because the other student didn't show up the majority of the time. we talked about stuff/life/weight...in a lot of ways, she was my shrink. she quite possibly is the reason why i am at where i am now. she was brutally honest regardless of how many "excuses" i had and for that those $200 were well spent.

we all have our moments, or maybe a multitude of moments, when the moons align and all seems to fall into place. i feel like that's my life right now, and all i'm doing is focusing on that because i know i will hit that wall sooner that i want to.