Who knows?

i went shopping last Friday, wanted/needed some new clothes. needless to say I came home with a pair of sweet-ass Anne Klein peep toe heels. and since I'm not savvy with the computer there won't be a pic.

Let me tell you a little story that leaves me questioning the sanity of all clothing houses out there.

My friend Kathi, a toothpick, who I would never want to look like because it's just too skinny, barely fit into an 8 at the Gap.

Now, I've always wanted to be a 6. Why that number? No fuckin clue.

Either way, I'm a little distraught. I've been working towards this number, that in actuality means absolutely nothing and I may just never achieve it. Sure, I could, but if I don't want to be that skinny will I always mentally torture myself or just be ok being an 8/10?

I've made such great strides in finding/buying clothes that I love and in the end, does size really matter? Are there more options for 4's or 6's than there are for 8's and 10's?

I'm just so confused at this point. I'm still surging forward/downward, but I'm definately rethinking a lot of things.

I've been happy with the clothes I'e been buying lately. Yes, it's not always easy. Would it be any different though if I were a few sizes smaller? Possibley, maybe I'd like certain things that I definately wouldn't consider now.

It's all just so indefinite.

when am i gonna learn?

how many of us do this because we love it?

yeah...thats what i thought. the reality is we all do it because we have to.

nope, i've fallen into the same category that i was before i left. slackin.

i'm trying this whole "not weighing every day" thing and eh. it's good because it isn't driving me insane but at the same time the days i do weigh in usually means i've had a spectacular day before.

my gf kerry gave me a great quote today...

don't ask for a weaker world, ask for a stronger you.

what's worse, never trying/making excuses for yourself

or

knowing you can do it, and not making it happen


i'd say, the latter...