midnight oil

is what i've been burning.

PB and I originally had wanted the guest room to be done by Easter. well, Easter came and went and it wasn't done.

Two weeks ago, PB somehow got motivated again and has been kicking some major renovation ass.

The BIG plan was to have the room painted last weekend. Well, at least have it done by Monday night. That of course didn't happen and I should know by now that everything takes at least 3 x's as long as we plan on it taking. We finally finished the last coat now after attempting to stay up till 1 last night to paint the last coat. Regardless, the mens are up there now laying the floating floors and i'm quite excited.

This is so typical of us, we dick around drywalling/mudding/etc but the minute we feel we are close to painting, we kick it into high gear and spend many evenings after work getting the room done.

I really hoped it would be done for this weekend where PB is gonna be outta town and I was gonna invite some girlies over but no luck. I guess, they would have floor to sleep on but no bed. We put off buying the mattress and even if we did go buy one now, it wouldnt be delivered for Saturday.

aahhhh well...

my workouts haven't been up to par. not much running has taken place. ive had to resort to the recumbant bike or eliptical lately. i guess its better than nothing but definately not ideal!

on that note, time to work out...have a great weekend ladies!

where'd you go?

the weekend that is! I can't believe it's already frickin Tuesday!

the weekend flew by, and the weather was a b!tch! oh well, what can you do!?

don't really have much to say besides that i'm pretty disappointed with myself over last weeks lack of exercise. i only ran twice. nuthin stellar.

definately plan on getting my mojo on this week though! i finally found the Ascics GT 2120's in raspberry and a size 8! wow...talk about the difference a shoe makes. i must admit its been almost a year since my new runners....must remember to get new ones every 6 monthes. i really do run too much to be using the same old pair. My shins started hurting a while back, and lately my legs had been feeling dead. overall, my last couple of runs have beeen a bummer.

today, even though i was dreading the run like a mofo, it was frickin fantastic!!!! It felt natural, i had a great pace, no walking!!!! It really has me geeked for the rest of the week!

hope everyone achieves their weekly goals!!

blast from the past

two weeks ago while at OTB, I saw Becky from afar. Becky, a girl who I knew in HS, who was a snobby bitch whom I had to carpool with was now a waitress.

We didn't make eye contact and I didn't think twice about it.

White waiting in line at OTB tonight, I see her, she sees me, we hold eye contact for 10 seconds before I look away because OH MY GOD what are the odds of her waitressing my table.

yup, you betcha, we sit at her table!

i must admit i was very nervous what she would think, i was way full of myself back in the day and was worried that she'd be asking me all these questions, but ya know what happened?

before i even had a chance to say anything she spouts out the fact that she just moved back from Grand Rapids and is working on a Masters back home and is working on the side here.

do i believe her story? HELL NO. anyone who spouts out such a quick story about what they are doing as if they are trying to justify why they are working at OTB is just down right suspicious. not one question was asked about me, even with PB sitting next to me.

The funny thing is, I felt sorry for her. She was a scew up in HS and she probably screwed up while at college and is now back at home waitressing at OTB. Who knows though, she might be feeling bad for me right this minute too. Above all, I could be completely mistaken about her current situation. Either way, she was a damn fine waitress and for once we left 20%! Hell, we didn't want her to think we are cheap-o's.

hello, my name is D and I'm an addict

wow...long time. lemme explain why.

on the 7th or 8th, i had a complete and utter meltdown. after having weighed myself for the upteenth time, and not seeing a number i like (now mind you, this is at like 9:00 PM) i frickin lost it.

seriously, i never knew my stance on the whole "temporarily insane" arguement but i fully believe in it now. i remember running through the house, screaming like a mad woman at nothing and at PB, throwing stuff around. I kid you not, it was insane. Scary. Had I been PB I would have kicked my ass to the curb.

the scale disappeared that night.

i begged, seriously i would have given my right limb for a peak at the scale the next morning, but PB wouldn't tell me where it was. I was a half an hour frickin late to work because I was searching the house for it.

i went a week without weighing myself. i stopped obsessing over what i was eating, there was no counting. it all went out the window because hell only the scale could tell me my progress. how did i do? i think i did great. i tried to eat within reason, only what i want and not what i thought i should have. i had no major binge and i still worked out like i would have anyways.

a week later, the scale reappeared. howd i do? not bad. up a half pound. but mentally, i was sane. saner than i had been the past week.

this past tuesday when the scale reappeared, i dropped it all. i'm not dieting anymore. i'm not obsessing anymore and i'm not counting anymore. i'm flying by the seat of my pants. i eat when i am hungry, i eat what i want and i stop when i am full. 95% of the time it has worked and i feel FANTASTIC! this HUGE pressure has been lifted and i feel great about everything.

the scale has stayed around. i'm trying to only weigh myself once a day, i'm more at like 3 times a day but i'm working at it. i'm looking into getting counseling. it was just unacceptable the way i behaved.

part of it is me and part of it is the pressure i feel by the blog. which may sound completely ridicilous but i feel like you expect loss, your popularity depends on a number that drops weekly. it was all just too much and i needed a break.

this whole change was easier than expected. maybe because my mind/body couldn't handle all this pressure. i'm still trying to take baby steps every day. i want to continue this natural eating for a while, but it's hard considering because the minute i lose a lb here or there, my mind automatically starts counting what i should be eating/whati could be losing/ blah blah blah.

i've been doing great all week. i can do this without the obsession it became. i just need to take the pressure away.

with that said, i don't know if i'm going to be weighing myself on here anymore. maybe every now and then i'll mention weight but i need to take the focus off of that. the number doesnt define me nor tell me how i'm doing. i need to focus on other things. like running. eating more healthy, organic foods.

wrong direction

Thursday: 169
Friday: 171
Saturday: 172.5

I can understand today's weight gain, but Fridays?! Seriously...wtf?!

I was pretty down about it yesterday because I just didn't know where it came from. Today's gain was from way too much food at dinner last night. I went out with the interns, and since they themselves dont go out very often, we had drinks, apps, main meals and dessert! We definately want them to experience the American cuisine. ;)

But I'm back and focused and I'm NOT letting cinco de mayo derail those plans. PB is on a boys weekend getaway which means I am 100% completely in control of what I am going to be eating.

I'm about to head out for a run here shortly, I've already logged 8 miles this week. Tomorrow I have a bridal shower, Im not that concerned about the food since it's at an Italian restaurant and I'm not really a fan of it, but we shall see.

I would love to see a 169 on the scale on Monday!

2nd day in

ov vey, the second day in and i already had to summon all my strength to resist temptation.

seriously, first thing this morning when i get in, i receive a call from a supplier who says he's in our reception area, would i mind coming out and grabbing the the bagels and muffins from him. what?! this was honestly the last thing i needed. so, i called up my mom and PB and had them tell me (even though I had been telling myself) that I don't need Dunkin. I can get Dunkin whenever. I don't need it today just because it's free.

then, later in the afternoon, a catering company stops by and drops off desserts. the receptionist, being my buddy, stops by at my desk first which basically means i could have whatever i wanted. i tried to decline but she wouldnt have it so i took this little bundt cake, took 1 bite and once she was gone, threw it away. YEAH!!!! That one bite wasn't that great, so I didn't feel too bad throwing it away.

i dont know what it was about the afternoon though but it totally brought down my mood and I was moody pretty much the rest of the afternoon/evening until.

today, it just seemed hard, even with the scale jumping back down to 171.5.

i'm trying to be honest with myself that for me to succeed this month, i have to be 100% 100% of the time. i can't be good 3 days and then relaxed the next 4 because that gets me no where.

consistency. but we all know that.