Shaun White?

Editor's Note: This part below was typed Thursday...

we're going up to Traverse City this weekend for our yearly Up North weekend...its pretty cool...i dig it..except for the fact that this is the only time we snowboard (once a year) and well, i just haven't grasped it yet...

it's not that i'm dumb or can't do it, but......i fear of falling and hurting myself, breaking an appendage, or losing a tooth!

i hate blaming my mom for my lack of sportiness but since i've been a little kid she has instilled this fear of everything in me! or maybe, it's me seeing her fear everything that has me fear everything...either way it has hindered me in various situations and i'm gonna try my damndest to let go of it this weekend!

Editor's note: This is written Sunday

we made it back, in one piece mind you, from our lovely weekend trip. i'm not only exhausted but sore as hell...i'm wobbling like a 90 yr old lady.. and have some lovely bruises on my knees.

how'd it go? it went fucking awesome! i really made an effort to not be afraid and hells yeah i was afraid most of the time but i tried and tried again. this was the first time where i felt semi-comfortable and i made it 1/4 down the mountain before i'd fall; get up again ,make it down another 1/4 fall again and repeat twice more.

during lunch, while i was spacing, i thought back to previous years and how by late afternoon i was not only cursing snowboarding but everything else involved with winter sport so i declared right then and there that i wouldn't continue until the wee hours because if i did, i would wear myself out emotionally. i'd get upset, angry, frustrated etc. I took part in 2 more runs that afternoon and called it a day. the point is i left the mountain exhausted but also happy with what i had accomplished. had i pushed myself 2 more hours, i would have left exhausted but not happy because i was pushing too hard.

i know there are people who push through until they achieve what they set out to do but i don't think i'm one of those people and i'm tired of doing it just because you may see it as me giving up. but you know what? i'm not a failure for saying today's enough, i worked hard and i've progressed, and you know what? maybe tomorrow i'll try again. and if everything goes according to plan, i'll be back on the slopes wednesday!

i used to beat myself up over this and why!? why is it that giving your, your very own 100% not your cousins or sisters or brothers, 100% isn't good enough? is viewed as failure? as giving up?

it feels so great sitting here on my couch know i not only enjoyed snowboarding yesterday and that i actually want to do it again sometime sooon. not like in the past where i'd dread it up to a year advance! i feel so relaxed and not stressed about this past weekend. and you know what, it feels damn fine..

yes, i'm no shaun white and i may not be one anytime soon and that's ok.

happy birthday opi!!!

obviously i'm back....and i had a blast! seriously, i don't know why i stressed out the way i did. it prolly would have saved me 8 lbs!

We landed on Tuesday and everything was still a little hectic from the day. Obviously, I mean a lot went down in a very short amount of time! Not the ideal situation since a lot of decisions were made without them being fully thought through but i know my opi would have never bought a new car had he not been put into that situation and now all is well.

That afternoon my great-aunts arrived from Kiel and it was our first evening together. Of course I was worried about seeing them and finally meeting PB, but the evening ran smoothly! We all went to bed early, between the travels and the excitement for the following day, we were all pooped!

Wednesday: we were supposed to have gotten up at dawn but none of us rolled out of bed until 8:30, at that point my aunt and uncle came up so that they could finish the decorations and at 9:30 the first guests arrived. Yes, guests arrived at 9:30 and all of us were still in jammies! It's typical, in Germany, on the morning of your birthday (usually on the big, round ones 50-60-70-etc) for casual aquaintances, the bank, the Church and the organizations you belong to, to send representatives to your house and congratulate you on your birthday; so our morning was spent inviting guests in, taking their jackets, offering cake, champagne, and sandwiches. Quite simple really...then around 2 we started getting ready for the formal coffee. I think we had about 15 guests and at least 5 cakes and tortes! It was very nice really except that we didn't have enough seating so we had to split people up and move around for the cake, but overall it was nice. We had to be at the hall (which we rented for the dinner since we had invited 40 guests) at 5:30 so that when the guests started arriving we could greet them with a glass of champagne. By the end of of the night we had gone through 80 liters of beer and 3 bottles of schnaps!

There were definately a few highlights of the day..first off, a neighboring lady whom my grandma had always put on a pedestal told me that her granddaughter, who is my age and whom i used to be friends with, was expecting. before i tell you guys what i told her, i would like to clarify that I did not say what I said to be malicious, it was more of an inquiry, ok? so i say to her, she's not married is she? because honestly, i'm shocked! i mean this girl isn't exactly the type i peg to get preggo before being married and i hadn't heard anything about her getting married. the grandma gets all flustered and says no. i of course realizing her discomfort and trying to comfort pose a statement as a question and go on to say...ooohh, but i'm sure she has a serious bf though..yes, I mortified my mother who was standing there next to me not really quite sure how she could interject and stop this inquisition. i solemnly swear i said nothing to be demeaning, malicous, etc...I was just nosy.

secondly, my grandpa has a gf whom a friend of my mothers (whose the nosiest person i've ever met!) had not yet met. well, do to some arguement my grandpa and his gf had, my grandpa disinvited her from the shindig. During the formal coffee, my moms friend asks me where the gf is. I tell her...it's a secret. so then, of course, she's totally interested in what happened and trys to pry some more, so now i'm really annoyed because i know she doesnt have the nerves to ask my mom but is asking me instead because typically i dont even realize that someone is trying to get the gossip, so i reply to her inquiries by saying...we can't talk about it; it's top secret, and then i lean forward and have some more cake! hahahaha..it was a great moment because she looked so surprised and interested. i guess i could have told her but really it's none of her business and hadn't she been so damny nosy about it, i may have told her.

that night, we were up till 4:30 in the morning.

Thursday we obviously slept in and spent the rest of the day eating left overs, both cake and dinner. It was also this evening that PB impressed my greataunts with his mad cooking skills. A non-German making bratkartoffel! It was a very chill, nothing exciting, but another late night (3 am).

Friday was a little more stressful because my mom and I got our hair done (gotta love how cheap it is in europe!) and then spent the afternoon shopping with my greataunts. That night we had dinner at a wine store, where my grandpa ran into 3 of his lady friends, and we killed 2 bottles of the stores home made schnaps, old maid (i kid you not, that is the name of it!). after that (t's only 10 o'clock), we head back home for more champagne and lively entertainment. We turned up the CD player and were dancing and singing in the living room until 3 in the morning. I'll admit here and now that I had a hard time keeping up with my grandpa and greataunts. I mean these are people in ther 60's and 70's and they are partying harder than some 20 year olds that I know!

It was hilarious though seeing those 3 broads swarm around my grandpa. I think it was the first time my extended family saw just how popular Opi is! Typically, the women outlive the men so my grandpa is quite busy. He was so embarrassed though that we were all there and these ladies had no shame! All crowding around him, touching him, inviting him out...I was witness to this, this past summer but everyone else got it see it for the first time this past trip..it was a hoot!

Saturday was spent packing our suitcase and getting ready for the return home. Oh, and some last minute shopping..

It's crazy how fast the week went by. I swear we just got there and the next thing you knew it was over with. During all the hecticness of the events, I really took some time to reflect on why I stressed out.

My greataunts loved PB. He was the caring, sweet gentleman that I know and love. He impressed them with his concern, attentiveness, great German skill and general helpfulness that I take for granted.

I worried that they would be extremely critical of my weight gain, and PB. Looking back now though, I think I reflected my greatest character flaw onto them. Yes, I'm extremely critical, and judgemental of others and perhaps I figured they would be too. It's funny though because I never considered myself to be judgemental or critical of others, and in this particular situation I realized that I am.

There's nothing like being outside of your comfort zone for the obvious to become obvious to you.

the beginning..

This is how the vacation began….

Opi, cruising down the highway, about 10 minutes into his drive to the airport, when, while passing on the left in the second to farthest left lane, his car starts smoking. He stops in the middle of the highway (!!!!!) to check it out. He opens his hood, of course he burns his hands, realizes that a fire is starting, runs to his trunk to grab water and attempts to extinguish it, of course the entire time cars are whizzing by on both sides of him. Within minutes, the police and fire department arrives there and the highway gets shut down.

So, the police tell my grandpa that they won’t leave until he’s gone; he asks them if they’d mind giving him a lift to the airport! Police Officer says..”What are we? A taxi service?” I honestly do not know what goes through my Opi’s head sometime; this isn’t the first time he’s made a snide remark to the po-po. They not only call him a taxi but also decide to flag down one from the highway. After an ok from the traveling passenger, my grandpa joins them but 5 minutes into the drive this taxi gets pushed to the side of the road by the taxi which was called for my grandpa. The new taxi driver jumps out and starts verbally abusing the current taxi driver, accusing him of not only being an immigrant but also stealing the work from Germans. The poor guy had no clue what to say or do but they tried to calmly explain to the new guy that they had nothing to do with this but that the police had ordered the guy to take my grandpa on as a passenger as well. Either way, my grandpa ends up getting into the new cab and upon arriving at the airport realizes that the meter was never running and now the taxi driver demanded 40 Euros. At this point, mad as hell but also glad to have finally made it, he has no other choice but to pay.

My uncle ends up picking up my mom and brother, and after yelling at my grandpa for god knows what (he had clients to meet and this was all bad timing for him), they arrive home. My mom and brother hit the hay while my grandpa hits the streets. I want to mention here that my grandpa has been searching for over a year for the right car. He really wanted the A class from Mercedes but was unwilling to pay the Mercedes price, he was only willing to pay for a Kia. Anyways, by the time I get to work at 8 (2 o’clock in Germany) my grandpa was already a proud owner of a Toyota Corolla. Mind you, they didn’t even make it home until after 10!

I couldn’t believe it! I mean he spent months looking for the perfect car (price) and he ended buying a Toyota! Let me state here, I have no problem with it being a Japanese made car, I know they have good quality but my grandpa was such a staunch advocate for Audi’s, Mercedes, BMW’s, that no one knows what to say when he says he has a Corolla. I mean, everyone, just stares at him when he tells them what he has. I definitely think it wasn’t very well thought through but when he tallied up the cost of a rental car and what it would cost to have his other car towed, he figured it was just cheaper to buy a new car since the dealership said they’d take care of the other costs.

Realistically though he drives 3,000 miles a year, if that! He just needs a car to pick us up from the airport and the other time he uses his bike.

Yes, and that is how our week began…

Super Bowl

Last minute, and by last minute I mean Wednesday, we decided we'd throw a lil party since no one else was...and an hour before the game started 3/4ths of the peeps backed out!

Yes, I have food for 10 and only 2 came.

Inconsiderate much...you know, if they would have called yesterday or even this morning, we wouldnt have bought so much! I mean we have the money but damn we spent over a $100 and with us going out of town tomorrow...ugh...this is the last time!

So, yeah...tomorrow we are leaving for the D...it's gonna be a crazy whirlwind of a week.

We arrive on Tuesday and still have to go buy his birthday present and my greataunts also arrive that day. That evening we have a dinner planned with them. It's gonna be the first time I attempt to stay up all day! We'll see how that goes, but I gotta fit for Wednesday!

Wednesday is my Opi's birthday!!! Typically, mornings, well wishers and those not immediately close to us stop by. So, coffee has to be hot and fresh, food has to be readily available. Then, around 2, we have coffee and cake with the fam. Then at 6 is the dinner. wooo huh?

Thursday we'll all still be in the afterglow of the birthday. Basically another day of sitting around, shooting the sh!t and eating. Gotta love it!

Friday and Saturday will just be us, the greataunts are going back home, so that'll be nice. Probably some shopping is involved. I've been meaning to show you guys my latest collection but just never get around to taking pics and posting. I'm so bad with that! Sunday we are heading back...crazy eh? Sometimes I feel like such a jetsetter..This will probably be the last vacation we take before July though so I should enjoy it. There may be a few weekend trips scheduled but those usually tend to be more stressful than relaxtion, but fun nonetheless!

I think when I come back I'll be changing the focus of this blog. Obviously I'll still be focusing on weightloss because I'm not happy with where I'm currently at but I also feel like sometimes all this weightloss talk makes me a tad crazy, ya know?

I feel too pressured to lose, and it just messes with me. I know everyone is supportive whether or not you lose but there is always this desire to be good, lose and then receive approval.

So, yes, I hope you guys will still read even if it's not 100% diet related.

okey dokey, must pack!

ttys!